Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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