Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
