i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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