If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
