R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
