you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
