Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
