You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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