I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
