So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize