I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
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