I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
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