Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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