grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
