what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
