I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
