hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
