Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
