Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
