...so i touched it.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
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Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
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