is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
