Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
