apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
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