Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
