just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
