is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
