I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
