Taylor Swift is so right about you.
i need an iv and a liver transplant
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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