K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Shame is for Republicans.
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