So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
