Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
