the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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