I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Randomize
