The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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