Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
