I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize
