Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
