I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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