I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
