you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
