i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
