I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Randomize
