One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
