i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
