My hand turned me down
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
