I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
