but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
