I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Randomize