just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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