Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
