oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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