Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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