just survived the first fart of the relationship.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
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There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
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Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
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