you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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