There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Randomize
