what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
