Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Randomize
