My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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