and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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