Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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