I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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