You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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