When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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