I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
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