Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
