so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
